Okay, January is SacAnime, and as such I have finally decided on my lineup for the convention, not to mention it will be my first convention to have 5 cosplays. This is also a way for me to take my mind off of whats been happening at home, it's really tough for me mostly from what I've seen going around between my family members. But since I tend to bottle things up and not tell anyone how I feel, it always ends with me crying for hours on my own alone begging for someone to be there. So my friends and family have told me that if I ever need to take my mind off what has been going on I should contact them and let them know that I wish to go visit. Because in all honesty, I have noticed it's unhealthy for me to bear everything alone and give up way more than I already have. But if you want to read about whats been going on here's the link to the first journal.
Really bad news at my house [Read if you want]Okay, first off it's been awhile since I posted something, and I know I was supposed to start making mooncrickets, which I still plan on doing. But everything at home gad since then, gone down hill pretty badly. Now I don't mean to post this to cry for attention or put a damper on anyone's Holidays. But I just can't not talk about this in some way, it's really hard for me to handle and if I can't get it out of my system and try handling it then I'm afraid I'll just get worse.
From the news there have been times that while crossing the streets I've found myself nearly stopping in the middle of a crosswalk. But I never stopped walking my footing just got slow and it scared me when I realized the thought ever came to me. Anyways, let me get to the point here, I'll do a little summary of how things started out bad and then tell you the bad news.
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Now, two years ago, my Senior year in HighSchool of 2012, things started going bad. I was in my
I'll be adding an update about what's been going on after my lineup
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Now for my SacAnime lineup! I believe I will be arriving on Day Zero, so I will probably be going in cosplay.
Day Zero Thursday- Black Rock Shooter (?)
Day One Friday-
10 am - 3:00pm Yuzuki Yukari Vocaloid (For the Vocaloid Gathering)
3:00pm - 7:00pm Black Rock Shooter (not during the Vocaloid gathering because she is not a vocaloid, she is an anime character. People easily make this mistake due to the resemblance to Miku)
Day Two Saturday-
10am - 2:30pm - 3:00pm Menma Anohana
3:00pm- till after the Masquerade Ruby Rose RWBY (for the RWBY gathering)
Day Three Sunday-
10am - 3:00pm (when I leave) Fem. Ciel Phantomhive (for the Kuroshitsuji Gathering)
phew I'm going to be changing quite a bit the first two days. But I'm ready for it
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Now for the update at home with my mom.
Things have gotten crazy a few times over the past five days, my mom has still said she knows she's dying. Which I have come to accept but it still hurts pretty badly. But an update medical wise, the doctor apparently has noticed some other things that don't exactly belong there, or weren't there the first time she had been diagnosed with breast cancer.
There are holes in her bones that obviously shouldn't be there, because who has bones with holes in them? Cause I know I don't, or I would hope I don't o.o and my mom seems to have some fluid in her lungs than she did before that shouldn't be there. Which now leads us to believe that it's not the breast cancer taking my mom's life but something else entirely. But that doesn't exactly make me feel any better since tensions between my family and myself, not my mom, but ME have not been going well still. All they see is 20 years, not someone who was prepared, groomed and told what to do for over ten years now. But that's neither here nor there, I made ten copies of the advanced directive and with ten copies if any of them try to go against any of my mom's wishes I will simply forcefully hand them a copy if I have to and make them leave the area immediately. I don't want to have to hand it to them forcefully, but I will if I must.
And now on top of those two issues; holes in the bones and the extra fluid in her lungs, she has also started to cough up some blood in her mucus when she coughs. Now that obviously isn't a good thing, because people aren't supposed to cough up blood for any reason at all. So now I also have the doctor's phone number and must make daily calls to him to find out what's going on with my mom because now if anyone asks what's wrong with her. She told them to ask me since I'm the advanced directive, they can only ask my mom how shes feeling basically, leaving me with the annoying stupid questions that they always ask every second.
So I will update them on what's been going so long as they don't pester me about everything. I will only tell them what they need to hear and not what they want to hear. Because they are known for twisting words around, so I'll even spell it out if I have too, because some of them don't even understand half of what the doctor even medical wise. I understand most of it thanks to medical science in high school, just enough to know what's going on with my mom. But I'll only tell them when they ask me directly, because they can't avoid asking me forever since they can't always hunt down Doctor Lopez ever second.
So right now we're just waiting on the results of her bone scan and lung biopsy. Those take about two days to get the results, so I should know what the results are by tomorrow hopefully. My mom doesn't have a discharge date yet either, so she's not home yet.
And a few friends and family are doing what they can to make sure that I'm okay too, just checking in and making sure I don't do something stupid. Even my coworkers ask me how I am and how my mom is doing, they just want to make sure we're okay. But that's pretty much everything that's happened so far plus the few scares my mom gave me. But so far she's okay and still alive, I'm not keeping my hopes up for Christmas unlike my mom's friends and family who are only doing it out of denial which is obvious. Anyways, that's it, I'll make another update when I find out anything new :3
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